What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:29
I could never make a relationship work though!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was seconnd youngest,
Prescription risk: Meds that could cause dementia - WFMZ.com
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When she asked me how she looked .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
(And it was in our own minds.)
What is the worst thing your sibling has done?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It seems that I am cursed with bad luck. How do I break such a curse?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Devil May Cry 5 Can't Stop Selling, Now Tops 10 Million Units - Push Square
As i do to all so called friends.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I have no regrets .
I was 9 years of age.
She married twice! .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But, we were locked up after school.
What happens to single guys when they get older?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What does it feel like to "lose your looks" to age?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I will be 64.
All the time i was locked up.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Would this be the day?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So, i spoilt her more .
Comes on , in middle age.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
Im still living with it.
We were not on the streets..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I don,t even have a pension.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We all went to grammer schools
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i lived it daily.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I think the readers, may guess!
Put me off passion for life!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I couldn’t, believe it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was in good health!
She found it foreign!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What did i know ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I waited trembling.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He knew the spot.
But ive been too sick for many years..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My life is so biszare .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I write beautiful poetry .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So whats the point in blame.
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
It was going to be , some day.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !